What Do Men Need?

Many women believe it is the man’s job to make her happy. There is typically less discussion about what women can do to help the man to feel good. I will give you some ideas about what men need, and the rest is up to you.

Men need to feel like men, not like little boys. If they are criticized and berated all the time, then you become like a mother. He will rebel, get angry, or shut down if you do this, thus creating a whole new list of things for which to be criticized. Also, he will not feel attracted to a mother figure.

A man wants to feel valued and appreciated. This is what you gave him in the early stages of your relationship. You made him feel like he was the most wonderful man on earth, and you were so lucky to have found him. He basked in the glow of your love, and likely gave much back in return.

Often, after the romantic fervor dies down, women try to change men. Slowly, she begins to pick at him for all of his nasty little man ways. Whether it is socks on the floor,  the toilet seat left up, or splashes on the mirror, he slowly loses his status as most wonderful man on earth. Gradually more and more items are added to the list of his deficiencies, so soon he feels as though he cannot do anything right.

Men need us to recognize they are not women, and so some of our ways do not come naturally to them. They want us to be able to concentrate on all that is positive about them, to see what they do contribute. They want us to be proud of them-to see them as winners.

Most men like to be shown affection, and yes, they like sex. It is not simply a physical thing. They like the closeness, and it makes a man feel good to know he has pleased his woman.

A woman who thinks as much about giving to her partner as she does about what she is getting, will be rewarded. Love is not simply something you give to another, but it is also something that is co-created by a couple. You can love someone, but it is the “being loving” that gives life and power to your love.

 

Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning Psychotherapist.  For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books or cds, visit www.gwen.ca

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