Relationship Red Flags by Gwen Randall-Young

If your female partner is harassing you, it could be a good thing. If she complains that she does not see enough of you, wants to spend more time with you, wants better communication, and needs more affection-this means she loves you, finds you attractive, and enjoys being with you.

BlocksILoveYouMen often interpret these complaints as criticisms, whether or not they are presented in a critical tone. Even if they were leveled as criticisms, the bottom line is that she wants you.

Try to consider this as a compliment, rather than becoming defensive. She is probably hurting, thinking you do not enjoy being with her. It is important to address her concerns before she gets tired of asking, and begins to give up on you. She may be heading down that road if : 1) she would rather spend time with her girlfriends than with you, 2) she tells her troubles to friends and family members before you, 3) she no longer approaches you affectionately, 4) she laughs more with others than with you, or, 5) more and more, it is as though you are leading separate lives. If three or more of the above apply to your situation, your relationship could be in serious trouble.

It is time to ask her if she is happy in the relationship and what she needs from you to make it better. If she does not want to talk, then going for couple’s counseling should be considered. If she will not talk, and refuses counseling to assist in becoming more connected, she may already have left the relationship, emotionally at least. This can leave a man feeling quite bewildered. Talking to a professional can be the first step in figuring out what to do next.

Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning Psychotherapist.  For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books or cds, visit

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